I gained weight – and lost – and gained…

2012 was a year of change. I left a 7-year dead-end relationship and entered a 2-year on-and-off one, that caused a complete meltdown. During the first year I lost 80 lbs. Everybody complimented me on my weight loss. Well - yes, I lost weight. But I also went through the worst depression of my life, which everybody seemed to ignore. "At least you look so much better now that you lost weight, you must feel wonderful!" Ironically, I started loving myself as I was, so I didn't feel the need to lose more weight. It just continued because I couldn't eat anything for a while and my relation to food completely changed. I didn't notice any hunger during the day until I got stomach ache (that could be 4pm) And then I ate what I wanted. And I stopped when I was full. I continued to lose more and more weight and my skin started sagging. Upper arms, tummy, boobs, even my face lost shape. Of course I didn't want to go back to unhealthy eating habits of the past, but I didn't want to lose more weight either. Thankfully I managed to establish a routine and it leveled out. I gained about 20 lbs back. For the most part I consider myself healed from childhood wounds and self-hate. I feel confident, self-loving and content in my own body for the first time of my life. I love myself exactly as I am: soft, curvy and happy.
That was me 2012

That was me 2012

That was me 2014

That was me 2014

That's me now, 2015 starring as Russian Ice Skating Princess

That's me now, 2015 starring as Russian Ice Skating Princess