Skinny girls ain't no bitches. Nor should big girls be.
be kind to yourself and others
A slight trend that I noticed mainly on tumblr
- one that I absolutely want to distance myself from - is curvy woman vs. skinny woman. Phrases like "real women have curves" and "curvy girls are better lovers" are very mild examples. Although I am writing from the perspective of a curvy woman, I don't glorify being overweight. I glorify self-love. Loving the body you are in, big or small, thick or thin.
I started out looking at big girls wondering and judging -> looking at big girls in a non-judgmental way -> looking at big girls in a loving way. And during the process I learned to projected that onto myself and my body. Nobody needs to go to the extreme to hate skinny girls. They might fight a similar battle, you know?
I found and reblogged a posts (see pic) from a girl who obviously felt offended by some of the stuff that gets posted on tumblr.
Dear curvy girls, I don’t like being shamed for my body type during your road to self confidence.
My body type issues/flaws are just as valid as yours. I’m human.
Love, skinny girl
Although I use it and like it, I think tumblr is not for the faint-hearted. It can be raw, harsh, pornographic. Pick what you need and overlook the rest. Each one of us should concentrate on being the best and most loving and loveable woman we can be. We are all on a road to self-love and more happiness. We are all beautiful sisters. <3
true and cute <3
This is called projection
This picture describes perfectly what is going on (what is going wrong) in our heads. For some reason (probably wrong childhood programming), the assumption that others would hate our body, is what sticks in our heads.
Family members didn't love you (because they didn't know how, not because you are big) and many other reasons and incidents mislead to the believe that the reason for not receiving love is that you are big. Children and teenagers are pretty quick to learn those wrong connections. And they stick to us, throughout our adult lives. If you believe something, you will get more of it. This is because of the way our brain works. When you go out next time, look out for red cars. I bet you see loads of them, although before you couldn't care less. If you do that for a week, you will get such an eye for red cars, you will probably even count brown and dark orange cars as red. However, if you then switch your focus to black cars, the amount of red cars will decrease (in your head, not in reality) and you will soon see more black ones than red ones. This is good news, because it shows that you can switch the way you see your world by switching your perspective. If you think everybody hates your body, you will find proof in every overweight-related comment that is made. Every innocent person who looks at you strange will suddenly become one of the haters. Your boyfriend left you? Because he hated your body. Your best friend ignored you and was seen with the (better looking, thinner) girl from school? Sure, why would she want to be your friend anymore, you just gained 5 pounds! You didn't get the job? Who wants to work with a big girl? The list goes on and on.
If you stop believing that everything bad that happens to you, happens because you are big, you will see that all those things happen to thin (and "pretty") people too. Thin girls get bullied (just for other reasons). Parents of "perfect" girls don't care about them because they drown in personal issues and dramas too. Beautiful girls fail exams, get dumped, don't get the boy of their dreams. Where is their excuse?
Can you feel your foundation crumbling?
See, it's not that easy. Your whole concept of why things happen in your life gets shaken. It's easier to accept that bad things happen for a specific reason than just because they do. Because that's life. No particular reason. It's definitely not because your body isn't perfect!
In with the plot twist for your life: Change your perspective. Focus on the good things that happen to you. And you will see more of them.
You love yourself and that's the only important thing. If others don't love you, it's their problem. Not yours. You exist, you breathe, you can enjoy life being with yourself. Be only with the people who love you, friends who accept you for who you are. You don't need everybody to like you, you don't like every person either and that's absolutely fine and doesn't even matter! You matter. And your self-love and happiness matter. If bad things happen to you, they happen because life is unpredictable. There are good and bad things happening every day. In every person's life. Everywhere and for everyBODY.
You wouldn’t ask a cocaine addict to have “just one line in the morning, one at lunch and one in the evening” ...
The only diet that works is the "Don't care about food anymore” diet. And I don’t mean not eating, I mean eat when you are hungry, stop when you are full.
Most overeaters don’t sense any of it. They don’t feel hunger (the real one, the one where your body asks for food). And they lose the ability to feel when they are full. That is because emotional eaters don’t use food in a natural way, but as a drug. To numb sadness, to feel better. They make use of the chemical reaction that happens in the body when you eat (especially carbs), which is similar to taking drugs. You wouldn’t ask a cocaine addict to have “just one line in the morning, one at lunch and one in the evening” to overcome their addiction. They have to absolutely and forever stay away from it. But food addicts, the people who use food the same way as drug or alcohol addicts use their drugs, are asked to “eat a little bit in the morning, a little bit at lunch and some in the evening.” And they are always surrounded by food and people who eat. That to me is the core of the whole diet/obesity problem.
Chocolate = overeater's cocaine?
Sweat it out of your system!
Bring up this topic and everybody knows a story about diets that really work. But take a closer look at those stories. For how long after their diet did they keep their new weight? Chances are, 2-3 years down the line they put it all back on (and more). Realistically, if your parents or grandparents are overweight, if you were a chubby toddler, if you were longer overweight than at your normal weight, you will have a hard time getting and keeping weight off with diets. If your ancestors are rather slim, you have always been at your right weight but just gained a few pounds (through pregnancy or a lazy time), chances are you can make it. - With nearly every diet. Because your body will naturally tend to get back to what it is used to over a long period of time.
There is a hidden trap with diets. If people who are at (or near) their perfect healthy weight for ages, go on diet after diet, they will destroy their inbuilt weight leveling system and start to jojo (weight goes off and on and off and on etc.). Therefore it's better to live with 5 kilo over your ideal weight forever, than messing up your absolute healthy body who knows how to deal with issues best when you don’t get involved.
If I had to suggest one of the countless diets I tried, I would choose Weight Watchers. Because it educates you to make better choices. And you lose weight because you eat - the right things and don't deprive yourself. I knew deep inside though, the key for me was to stop thinking about food all the time. And WW does the opposite. You plan your day, count points, think about what you can eat next, all day long. But at least you still lose weight if you are playing by their rules.
Another thing that will make you lose weight even if you don't change your eating habits, is fitness. Be more active, get sweaty. Any sport will have an all around positive effect on your health. It will make you feel happier. You will lose weight, it could become your new healthy drug and you could meet new, nice people too. Risk it!
If you have serious health problems, sort them out with your doctor. But most important: Become a happy, confident person. If you feel good, you don’t need food to make it so.
Do you know how it feels when you feel disgusted by your own body? It is as if it’s not a part of you. All the anger, fear, hate and pain you feel inside, you project onto your body. Onto being big and you call yourself disgusting, fat, useless, worthless, ugly, horrible and stupid.
I remember having fantasies about cutting fat off my tummy and hips with scissors.
I am not the only one, many girls and women feel like that. And you might be shocked or one of them.
there is a way out!
For the longest time I can remember I was obsessed with losing weight. I tried every diet on the planet. I found a diary from when I was 13 and I thought the boy I fancied would never like me because I was “so fat”. That was when I started my first real diet, one of hundreds that never had any effect other than me obsessing more and more about food and my body, losing some weight and gaining even more after.
I had my first real boyfriend when I was 17 and during that time it all calmed down a little, mainly because he loved me like I was. My body was still an issue for me, but dealing with family issues, finally living on my own and finding a career etc. took center stage at that time. It really started getting bad about 4 years later, when we split up. He had a new girlfriend and I couldn’t get over it for a long time. I found the reason very quickly – of course I wasn’t loveable. Certain childhood issues like feeling abandoned and not feeling loved/right got initiated. That’s probably when the self hate started to become really obvious and obsessing over my body and losing weight became the center point of my life.
I had always heaps of really good friends. And I felt accepted. I was popular, a good friend, intelligent, had a “pretty face”. I was funny, entertaining, a good listener, communicator, writer, saw a challenge and went for it. My confidence was good. But I almost felt as if I consist of my head only, I had no connection with my body. I avoided the mirror at all costs, that way I could keep up that kind of confidence.
I knew other big girls. All of them struggled with their weight and had insecurities. But nobody hated their body like I did. For a long time I thought I was the only one. I could not understand how you could be a big girl and still love your body. Some of them were my best friends and I loved them dearly. But I could not get it into my head that somebody could love me
, being so disgusting and fat and ugly.
The insecurity about my body always held me back. I was invited to a party, tried on 100 things, saw myself fat as a balloon and held hate speeches in my head about how ugly, fat and horrible I looked. I spiraled into such bad mood and deep sadness that I ended up not going. I never went to the beach or swimming pool. I didn’t allow many boys to get close, out of fear they would want to see and feel me naked one day. I had some short-ish relationships, it never worked out. I could not accept that anybody would love me like I was, and of course that always killed it. Strange world I stuck in.
There is definitely a way out, I know because I am out of it. It didn't help that everybody said I was beautiful, I couldn't see it. Here are some of the things that helped:
- I learned to change my view on what's really important in life.
- I had to look at my childhood issues and accept who I am.
- Knowing that there were others who felt the same.
- I stopped reading women's magazines.
- Sitting in a cafe looking at women passing by, realising that most of us are "imperfect".
- Looking at pictures of other big girls frequently.
- Having sex with men who prefer big girls.
I eventually learned to love myself and accept my body.
just get out
"If you're not a size six, and you're not good looking
Well, you better be rich, or be real good at cooking
You should probably lose some weight 'cause we can't see your bones
You should probably fix your face or you'll end up on your own"
Why do we hate our body? Why do we feel worthless, insecure, not good enough? Why do we feel as if we are not right?
It could be “childhood programming”. Our parents, other relatives, friends, neighbors, teachers, bullies, advertisements and media told us so. It's good to know why, because it shows that we are not just "weird", there is a reason for everything. And it usually lies somewhere in our childhood.
Look at it, recognize it and understand yourself better. But who ever and whatever caused it, doesn’t matter anymore. Because we can not change our past.
But we can shape our future by making changes, NOW
Make this promise to yourself:
From this moment, I take responsibility for my own happiness. From today on, I claim my life back. From this moment, I love myself exactly as I am.